Go, OGO.

Ran into the Old Gay One (OGO) the Saturday before last. There was this slight rush of pleasure at seeing an old friend. Last time I saw him, he was a caricature of his usual crude, tasteless self --- he had turned into a bitter old crone with a predilection for harassing the hapless men in our department. A great point about this fag is that he likes taking care of people --- when I was in the throes of a deep depression (to the point of walking around feverish), he was the one who whisked me off to this overpriced but above average indian/pretensious fusion restaurant. Nevermind that we split the tab after.

Negative energy was oozing out of every enlarged pore. I hate encountering people who are in the midst of a middle age crisis storm.

OGO, dude, come on. I would rather be micro-managed than listen to you nag me about exercising whilst I am enjoying a non-complaining fag and a cold beer.

Fear and Loathing in a Faux Hawaiian Bar
Went to the Oktoberfest Saturday night in M2. Tendonitis suitably worsened after surviving the crush of drunk people whilst bopping along to Razorback. Rode back to the boondocks with a guy whom I will hide under the name of SickoRomantic.

Whilst in the faux hawaiian bar ( Nothing remotely hawaiian about the place --- no. Presence of pineapples does not qualify the "hawaiian" title. We grow the damn fruit in this country!) SickoRomantic and Overachiever started talking about their experiences with prostitutes. For some reason, it felt like a pissing contest on who scored the most. And, again, for some reason, they felt the need to ask for my permission to talk about where their schlongs have been. I am not affected. But if they had stated that they had screwed a 15 year old, I would have crushed the thick glasses on their thin skulls. I draw the line at underage/forced fornication.

What drove me nuts however was later in the evening when Luci was finally able to join us, SickoRomantic went puerile over "putting on the blinkers" once you're in a long distance relationship. He continued with "If you truly love the person, you will forgive them for what they have done."

Right.

And then he asked me if I will tell my friend if I see his girl cheating on him. I answered that there are no real answers to that. Just a whole bunch of gray areas.

Which he easily shot down.

I didn't have the heart to tell SickoRomantic that as far as my friends relationships are concerned, I don't really care. Fine. I do admit that I easily judge the people that my friends go out with --- I either see them as brilliant bastards or bland as oatmeal with the personality of soggy chalk. I do admit that I base some of their merit on what they have accomplished, their current job positions and their ability to use words that has more than three syllables. A relationship that is not mine is well, not mine. Even if I do catch somebody cheating, it's not my prerogative to report them immediately. Let the relationship self destruct on its own. The last thing anybody will need is another person telling them what to do --- or influencing their decisions. Let the cheated enjoy their moments of pseudo-connubial bliss. Let them, the cheated find out on their own. The best thing that their friends can do for them is listen and not give advice. And when asked to do so, say "follow what you think is right for you regardless of what other people have said."

I did not say all these things because there is no point to kicking a man in the balls when he is already down. SickoRomantic's wife had cheated on him several times. And he is staying in the relationship because he is an inherently "good" person who decided to fight for their "love".

So, SickoRomantic, continue the fight. Just don't ask me for my opinion on things that don't count in my world.

Pity Party Chronicles part 2.

"And then she became angry when I said that she's spearheading the project. I mean, isn't that supposed to be a positive thing?"
Me : "True, but you never fight with a pregnant woman. Their hormones are going crazy"
"Yeah, I know so I was asking her if we can talk somewhere else."
Me : "And what happened?"
"She turned her back on me and refused to talk. How can I work with these people?"

Oh god, some people really need to get a life. And not through homicide or murder 1.

Anthony Bourdain is/was in Manila! Crap! And I wouldn't be able to watch the episode because our cable service does not carry Discovery Travel and Living. Wait, of course they do but I have no fracking resources to add the extra channels. Frack!

http://anthony-bourdain-blog.travelchannel.com/read/pressure-drop

Damnit!

Sideways.

Will be moving to a new team this coming Monday to train for something else.

Though I did deeply desire to be removed from an otherwise productive team, I didn't realize that it was going to happen THIS fast.

And why do I feel like I am being managed out?

Oh well. Times are a-changing.

Songlist

Current playlist that is on heavy rotation.

Before the Worst - The Script
The End Where I Begin - The Script
We Cry - The Script
The Man Who Can't Be Moved - The Script
Talk You Down - The Script
Anybody There - The Script
Breakeven - The Script
Photograph - Jamie Cullum
No Ordinary Morning - Chicane
Something Alway's Wrong - Chicane
Something Hot - Afghan Whigs
66 - Afghan Whigs
Rebirth of the Cool - Afghan Whigs
Change - Monkey Majik + Yoshida Brothers
Golden Brown - The Stranglers
California Dreaming - The Mamas and The Papas
I'll Be Alright - Anggun
Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley
Love Potion No 9 - The Hollies

Everytime I listen to these songs, I wish I am back by the beach and getting tanned into the gravity of a handbag.

Usual Friday Night + Oktoberfest

Erratum : Anthony Bourdain's book is titled "A Cooks Tour"

Scene from a bar

I tend to gravitate towards that overpriced joint Outback after Friday shifts. As I had told luci, it's the perfect opposite of Cheers. In Outback, nobody knows your name.

And it suits me just fine. I just needed some beer to release the pent up stress of the past work week.

Thought I saw Jolo there last Friday. Nearly had a heart attack. Realized after two skipped heartbeats that it wasn't him. I was a bit disappointed but mostly relieved.

So. I was sitting by the bar, watching the ertswhile b-ball game between SMB and TalkNText when these two exotic ladies sat next to me. One was trying desperately to feign an accent (twang, you know) whilst her companion was trying to imitate the fake twang. It was sheer music to my tired ears --- people who are worse than my worst trainee. And my worst trainee CAN string several sentences together even if there is an invisible "i" sound floating in front of his "s" words (i.e. ismooth, ischedule, isales)

Since we are talking about a restaurant situated in Makati, there are a lot of generic white men who usually congregate in the oft-mentioned joint.

Exotic lady A : (Approaching one generic white male) "Hi, may I know your name?"
Generic white male : (Giving her one of the coldest look overs I've ever witnessed) "NO!" (Turns his back on her.)

Ha ha haha. Had to choke my laughter as I was not in the mood to get into a fight.

Oktoberfest

Went to the annual Oktoberfest in M1. Some of the bands rocked, some of the bands sucked and a couple of bands shined because of sheer personality. The band that won sang a bon jovi and heart song. Damn. But they were talented and had character. My main goal for the evening was to ensure that I crawl back home and throw up by my house's gate. Unfortunately, even after a couple of pitchers, I found myself thirstier . That and the guest local act happened to be some band that my maid listens to (Begins with a "C" and ends with "allalily") Even with my bestfriend Luci there, I decided to leave and gorge myself in Jollibee. Ick. Not even the promise of a barcrawl can make me stay and listen to that schnitt. I have too much taste for that.

Next Saturday the M2 Oktoberfest will kick off and I will be there. The guest band this time is RAZORBACK. Yes, THE Razorback. Even if I am more fond of Wolfgang, (as the latter provided my high school life's soundtrack. Next to the Red Hot Chili Peppers) we're talking about a band that is worth the bother. (Bother because I would have to go down from the boondocks of Parañaque to go to QC)

Augh. Rehydrating sucks. I am close to finish one litre of water. Oh well.

The Script

EAR CANDY ALERT.

...What am I gonna to do when the best part of me was always you/ and what am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok / I'm falling to pieces yeah / I'm falling to pieces yeah /I'm falling to pieces (One still in love while the other ones leaving / I'm falling to pieces (Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)... Breakeven - The Script

Yeah, that would have been an apt song a few months ago. Am recovering nicely and have advanced to the hi-hello stage. At least I can say hello again without that all too familiar multiple stabs in the chest. And I can say that with finality even when my heart has taken a vacation. But the world is too wonderful and bizarre to ignore --- there are a lot of other things to take marvel at and test your capacity for feeling.

Caught the tailend of The Script video (The Man That Can't Be Moved) and was sucked in into a spinning spiral of obsession. Started downloading the song which lead to another...and another....so right now I am waiting for Limewire to complete the album. So far, I have : We Cry, The Man Who Can't Be Moved, Talk You Down , Breakeven and The End Where I Begin.

Which are all heartbreakingly lovely.

Seems like the boys of the Script are all struggling over some form of heart absentia. Which is a bit delightful as the bastards of the xy variety can be such inhuman gnomes. Or maybe I am just being an embittered crone. Who cares, we all have to move on some day.

Sometimes we don't learn / From our mistakes / Sometimes we've no choice but to walk away/ away/ Tried to break my heart / Well it's broke / Tried to hang me high / Well I'm choked / Wanted rain on me / Well I'm soaked / Soaked to the skin / It's the end where I begin / It's the end where I begin - It's The End Where I Begin The Script

Reading a borrowed copy of Anthony Bourdain's "Search for the Perfect Meal" (or something or other...so sue me.) It's perfectly delicious and definitely appeals to the barely hidden inner gourmand. Another tome to add to my Christmas lust list. Right next to an IPod Classic, a pair of black chucks, an external hard drive and a DSL connection. Sigh. It's tough being a drone.

I have 6 days worth of music in my PC. I need a new IPOD. I can only cram 250+ songs in the shuffle and it's getting frustrating. Downloaded "Love Is Noise" by The Verve as well.

Frack. I need to get some sleep. But I am still downloading the album. Ha ha.

The Pity Party Chronicles part 1

" How can I work when I am not happy with my team?"

Me : " Well, if you honestly believe that you are doing the right thing then I don't think that their opinion should count."

" They keep on leaving me, I've been trying to get along with them since Tranche 1 and it's not happening."

Me : "There is no use fighting with a woman who is pregnant. Their hormones drive them insane. Talk to *bleep*. I am sure she can see things objectively."

" I am thinking about leaving in March."

Me : "Err....."

No. I was not talking to myself.

Lunch Brake.

LUNCH
Watercress + Tofu + Mushrooms

Ingredients :
4 cloves of garlic (minced)
I tube or rectangle of soft tofu, cubed (haha.)
Mushrooms - either shiitake or something similar to that. Button mushrooms somehow do not taste that great with Tofu (Button mushrooms are pretty blah to begin with)
Watercress (a small bunch costs about 13p from SM. Get two bunches), chopped.
Oyster sauce
Pepper
Extra Virgin Olive oil (you can use any ordinary cooking oil but EVOO just sounds fancier.)

1. Heat pan. Note: Do not overheat the pan as if the EVOO starts burning, it will release free radicals which, as most radicals are, bad for you.)
2. Lightly sautee' the garlic.
3. Throw in the chopped mushrooms.
4. Once the garlic and mushroom are lightly cooked (you would know this by the smell), throw in the watercress.
5. Wait until the mix has taken a more cohesive appearance (so sue me, I don't speak cookbookenese) gently throw in the tofu.
6. Do not overmix as soft tofu tends to get crushed easily.
7. Season with pepper and oyster sauce.

You can either top this over rice or eat it on its own. I am going to be serving this for lunch with steamed cream dory that has been marinated in lemon juice and salt. For balance, serve vanilla ice cream with either maple or chocolate syrup on top. M&Ms are optional.

Brake

Yeah, yeah, I know i've been griping too much about bloody work but I had a great epiphany last Friday.

So whilst chasing my blues away with legal alcohol (illegal alcohol is alcohol taken with either ampethamines, grass or a really, really bad boy) I overheard this bloke.

Ugly bloke : "You stupid fucker, if you fucking love what you're doing, just fucking do it!"

I think he and his companion was discussing something else. I don't care. He's absolutely correct.

Here's something that completed my day:

Line managers notes on an associates performance : *bleep* tends to be defensive during feedback sessions. She is repulsive to feedback."

Yeaaaaahhhhh....

BTW. Quantum of Solace is screening on the 5th of November. YAY!

Feeling Your Week and Filling Your Afternoon

FILLING:
Here is an afternoon snack that is guaranteed to rinse the doldrums away and destroy your hips.

Peanut Butter& Cheese French Toast.

Ingredients :

16 Slices of Bread (For 8 sandwiches. Divide by 2, depending on the number of people you are intending to feed - in my case, it was 7 people. 3 adults and 3 kids)
A small can of condensed milk
3 eggs
Peanut Butter
4 slices of cheese (Cheddar would be ideal or a light emmental but for those who are on a budget like me, stick to generic "cheese" that is more flavourful than tile grout.)

Procedures:

1. Create your peanut butter and cheese sandwiches. No, not peanut butter ON cheese but two seperate sandwiches.
2. Mix the eggs and condensed milk in a slightly deep bowl. This could also be the same bowl where you serve your rice. As long as it doesn't have any ridges on the bottom.
3. Heat your flat pan (I have one of those fancy teflon square pans wherein the cooking oil does not create a pool in the middle --- if you do not have one of these, just get your regular pan)
4. DO NOT OVERHEAT THE PAN. Low flame only. Make sure that it is hot enough to melt at least a teaspoon or quarter on an inch thick pat of butter (or margarine). Cover the entire surface of your pan with the fat.
5. Dip the sandwich in the eggs and milk mix. Make sure that it is fully covered on all sides.
6. Toss on the pan, 3 minutes on each side (or until one side is golden brown). Flip as needed.
7. Serve with some garlic sausages as a side dish or bacon. Make sure that your side dish is savoury as the french toast can be a bit overwhelming.

I served these with some awesome sausages and green tea. It's an awesome treat. Have it at least once every six months as these are seriously heavy on the calories.

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FEELING

I have to admit that I have been struggling with a lot of things for the past few months. It's been a rocky year so far and just when I thought I am okay, new things pop out and instead of me resolving it, all I have been doing is continually moping and mulling over things that I have failed to do and not understand.

I have been trying to understand the sudden slump in interest with life. I cannot summon the energy to be creative, happy or even care for the things that used to hold a lot of meaning for me. I have turned my back on opportunities and I have disappointed my manager, my team and myself.

I thought that my small, week long sabbatical by the seaside would help me really sort out my issues --- but I just realized that these issues have been haunting me since I was in high school and it's only now that they have started to erupt in the surface, burning a lot of matter that I used to hold close to my heart.

I think that the fact I am looking at things objectively means that I still have hope. I cannot blame people for being better than me or having come from families that were founded on substance that I am only beginning to discover. Blaming others or myself is not going to solve anything.

Live one day at a time. Banish the feelings of hopelesness. Find what really gives me joy.

Stop over thinking and let things happen. Work, and work hard on finding myself.

Hitting this age does suck but I am here now and there is no point in fighting it.