Feeling Your Week and Filling Your Afternoon

FILLING:
Here is an afternoon snack that is guaranteed to rinse the doldrums away and destroy your hips.

Peanut Butter& Cheese French Toast.

Ingredients :

16 Slices of Bread (For 8 sandwiches. Divide by 2, depending on the number of people you are intending to feed - in my case, it was 7 people. 3 adults and 3 kids)
A small can of condensed milk
3 eggs
Peanut Butter
4 slices of cheese (Cheddar would be ideal or a light emmental but for those who are on a budget like me, stick to generic "cheese" that is more flavourful than tile grout.)

Procedures:

1. Create your peanut butter and cheese sandwiches. No, not peanut butter ON cheese but two seperate sandwiches.
2. Mix the eggs and condensed milk in a slightly deep bowl. This could also be the same bowl where you serve your rice. As long as it doesn't have any ridges on the bottom.
3. Heat your flat pan (I have one of those fancy teflon square pans wherein the cooking oil does not create a pool in the middle --- if you do not have one of these, just get your regular pan)
4. DO NOT OVERHEAT THE PAN. Low flame only. Make sure that it is hot enough to melt at least a teaspoon or quarter on an inch thick pat of butter (or margarine). Cover the entire surface of your pan with the fat.
5. Dip the sandwich in the eggs and milk mix. Make sure that it is fully covered on all sides.
6. Toss on the pan, 3 minutes on each side (or until one side is golden brown). Flip as needed.
7. Serve with some garlic sausages as a side dish or bacon. Make sure that your side dish is savoury as the french toast can be a bit overwhelming.

I served these with some awesome sausages and green tea. It's an awesome treat. Have it at least once every six months as these are seriously heavy on the calories.

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FEELING

I have to admit that I have been struggling with a lot of things for the past few months. It's been a rocky year so far and just when I thought I am okay, new things pop out and instead of me resolving it, all I have been doing is continually moping and mulling over things that I have failed to do and not understand.

I have been trying to understand the sudden slump in interest with life. I cannot summon the energy to be creative, happy or even care for the things that used to hold a lot of meaning for me. I have turned my back on opportunities and I have disappointed my manager, my team and myself.

I thought that my small, week long sabbatical by the seaside would help me really sort out my issues --- but I just realized that these issues have been haunting me since I was in high school and it's only now that they have started to erupt in the surface, burning a lot of matter that I used to hold close to my heart.

I think that the fact I am looking at things objectively means that I still have hope. I cannot blame people for being better than me or having come from families that were founded on substance that I am only beginning to discover. Blaming others or myself is not going to solve anything.

Live one day at a time. Banish the feelings of hopelesness. Find what really gives me joy.

Stop over thinking and let things happen. Work, and work hard on finding myself.

Hitting this age does suck but I am here now and there is no point in fighting it.