The Continual Gripe

If you whine about your boss to your colleagues, there goes perception management.
If you tell your manager that you think that she doesn't like you, there goes again, perception management. If you can't handle the heat, stay out of the kitchen.
If you transfer to another department, your AVP, your boss and you colleagues will definitely talk and for those suffering with a reference point syndrome; (i.e. the continual nagging feeling that you are being discussed by other people) this will be a continuous bane in your otherwise humdrum life.
If you move to another company, it will be the same shit again and having to uproot yourself to establish a career again will just be once, huge vicious cycle. Moving is not a solution and you completely know that.
And during these unstable times, the best thing to do is to stay where it is stable. Even if the job market is asking for people of your calibre and experience.
If you refuse to cooperate by completing sensible projects say goodbye to a nice rounded number during your evaluation. And there goes your bonus.
And if you are still affected by how other people are progressing, then you have learned nothing.

If would if I could but I won't. So there.

Subjectively, I am having a sucky time and I am dreading going back to work tomorrow. For somebody who does not have much of an ego, my pride is being kicked around like a football during a MAN U game. I am seriously feeling it.

I never really worked for money though its the primary purpose of working. I have never worked to kiss ass or please other people. Oh wait, scrap the last statement. I have never worked to kiss ass but I have worked to make other people happy.

"The walls are are just in your head" This was a line I heard in Discovery Channel. And I completely agree.

Objectively, I am here to be developed. Even if I feel that the esteem my boss held for me has seriously diminished and truth be told, I think we are just forcing each other to like one another. She overestimated me and is at a loss with how to get through and I refuse to tell her and whomever what is really bugging me. Just goddamn accomplish what you set out to do and finish it. And to hell with results.

I've said this before. You cannot put a number on emotions. You can take numerous tests to gauge how smart, efficient or organized you are. You can state what your IQ is but it doesn't matter.

I am so freaking tired and I wish that something, anything will just clearly set the path for me --- because the way I see it, if I had my way, I will not step out of the house tomorrow.