Dormancy

It was surprising to realize that liking somebody else was possible again. After the wreckage and the temporary death that heartbreak brought, the fact that fully knowing that this person is going to be gone in a few weeks time is alright...

There is no involvement. Just a lot of laughs, slight insights and a birds eye view on a completely different world. A world so completely different that it might as well have been Jupiter. The idea of having your life mapped out for you by other people has this certain attraction and though there is this slight regret for giving in to liking this person, some thing cannot be helped. Especially if they managed to fill in that dreamt ideal --- funny, intelligent , sharp sense of humour and completely unavailable --- read IMPOSSIBLE.

But the relief is there because the bond with the ex-object of affection is gone and now all that is left are vague memories and the occassional pang of regret for the lack of courage displayed a year and a half ago. The fact that the capacity for feeling something else besides exhaustion and dislike is another cause for relief.

The stress have been mounting for the past few months and the responsibilities of being a grown up can be a bit stifling. Even the idea of the inner summer has gone stale and there is no choice but to move forward and push even when it hurts. Even when the blinders are on and there are no choices left but to go ahead and stick your neck out.

Moving forward. Moving forward.

And I will miss you terribly when you're gone but I know that I will be okay. And that you will be okay because you are a brilliant and effervescent person. Just practice your backhand okay? Your table tennis skills leaves a lot to be desired.

Oh and tight brown slacks?! Come on.

Take care and maybe someday when I do go on that fantasy road trip we will laugh at the same joke again.

Pass the Curry on The Left Hand Side

had to take a break and leave my station.

The constant chattering in some distinct sub-continent language was driving me bonkers as I had to no choice but to hear and not understand what they are saying.

Which is tempting me to say something in Filipino. Something really nasty.

Which is something that I shouldn't do as I did resolve to be nice this year even if the effort is bordering on herculean.

I loathe Sunday shifts. The holidays just really derailed the weekend offs and I have no choice but to trudge to work.

Things to meander whilst in the commute :
1. What am i going to wear later?
2. What am i going to cook for lunch?
3. What error did I commit this time?
4. Should I or should I not really consider joining the Filipino Diaspora bandwagon?
5. Why the hell can't I find a decent guy who can also claim to have found me? (Police and narcotics division not included)
and
6. Being a grown up sucks right now. Like, seriously.

Again, choices are limited and the best thing I can do is just to grimace through it all.

My brain and pockets hurt. And so does my back.