It was surprising to realize that liking somebody else was possible again. After the wreckage and the temporary death that heartbreak brought, the fact that fully knowing that this person is going to be gone in a few weeks time is alright...
There is no involvement. Just a lot of laughs, slight insights and a birds eye view on a completely different world. A world so completely different that it might as well have been Jupiter. The idea of having your life mapped out for you by other people has this certain attraction and though there is this slight regret for giving in to liking this person, some thing cannot be helped. Especially if they managed to fill in that dreamt ideal --- funny, intelligent , sharp sense of humour and completely unavailable --- read IMPOSSIBLE.
But the relief is there because the bond with the ex-object of affection is gone and now all that is left are vague memories and the occassional pang of regret for the lack of courage displayed a year and a half ago. The fact that the capacity for feeling something else besides exhaustion and dislike is another cause for relief.
The stress have been mounting for the past few months and the responsibilities of being a grown up can be a bit stifling. Even the idea of the inner summer has gone stale and there is no choice but to move forward and push even when it hurts. Even when the blinders are on and there are no choices left but to go ahead and stick your neck out.
Moving forward. Moving forward.
And I will miss you terribly when you're gone but I know that I will be okay. And that you will be okay because you are a brilliant and effervescent person. Just practice your backhand okay? Your table tennis skills leaves a lot to be desired.
Oh and tight brown slacks?! Come on.
Take care and maybe someday when I do go on that fantasy road trip we will laugh at the same joke again.
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