As one of the numerous plus sized women, (though declaring it will not stop me from 1. dieting 2. planning to diet 3. dreaming of staging a "now that I am hot I don't want you" vengeance in soft focus plan) I have enough credebility when I say this.
GODDAMNIT YOU IDIOT DESIGNERS! WE DO NOT WANT TO BE COVERED IN SOFT CURTAIN-LIKE FABRICS! WE DO NOT WANT TENTS DISGUISED AS DRESSES! WE DO NOT WANT TO BE COVERED IN DARK COLOURS AS WE ALL KNOW THAT REGARDLESS OF HOW DARK THE COLOUR IS, IF YOU ARE HUGE, YOU WILL LOOK HUGE AND NO AMOUNT OF BLACK CLOTHING WILL HIDE THAT. WE DO NOT WANT HIGH WAISTED PANTS THAT END WHERE YOUR BREASTS BEGIN! AND FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THATS AESTHETHICALLY PLEASING AND VISUALLY LEGAL, QUIT DESIGNING HUGE FLOWER PRINTS THAT ARE SO BRIGHT THAT EVEN THE VISUALLY IMPAIRED CAN SENSE ITS LOOMING PRESENCE!
Ugh. I hate shopping for dresses. If not the smirking salespeople, its the ignorant ones who continually follow anybody dressed in ratty shirts (that has my excollege name printed on the chest) and torn cargos (tastefully torn i.e. not displaying any semblance of genitals) .
Ano ba?! Do I look like a shoplifter? And seeing as the "clothing" can double as curtains, do they look like they are easy to sneak out? If I want curtains, I will have them custom made.
Ugh. Double ugh.
Ukay rocks.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
One of The Best Resignation Letters
This is a legit resignation letter written by a loved and derided ex colleague whom I will hide under the name of BadAss Bastard (BAB).
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Dear Ms. (Insert AVP Name Here)
After an appropriate period of deliberation, I have come to the decision to tender my resignation from (insert company name here) effective (insert date here).
Please know that I still maintain a high level of respect for you as a manager and colleague, and I thank you sincerely for the support and assistance you have offered me in each of those roles. I have been proud to work for over the past 2 years; it has been a journey that has provided me with an unparalleled foundation to move forward to new and exciting opportunities.
As such I have decided to become a professional pirate. It has always been a dream of mine to live the life of a swashbuckling corsair, beholden to none and master of all I survey. Once my crew of unabashed rogues is assembled, we shall take to the capacious expanse of the high seas to pursue fortune, fame and hair-raising adventure.
Our path may not be filled with porcine comforts and technological marvels that (insert company name) provides but we shall nonetheless move forward to carve a name for ourselves in the annals of bold insurgency and death-defying derring-do. Once I have a keen blade at my hip and the Jolly Roger is flapping high above me, I believe I will find my true calling.
Please note that I am currently accepting applications for First Officer, if you are at all interested in applying, I will provide a full medical and dental plan, which will offer immediate coverage of all maladies other than scurvy and the occasional bout of rickets.
Sincerely Yours,
BadAss Bastard
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No, my two readers, this isn't mine. I do not have this kind of gumption nor creativity.
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Dear Ms. (Insert AVP Name Here)
After an appropriate period of deliberation, I have come to the decision to tender my resignation from (insert company name here) effective (insert date here).
Please know that I still maintain a high level of respect for you as a manager and colleague, and I thank you sincerely for the support and assistance you have offered me in each of those roles. I have been proud to work for
As such I have decided to become a professional pirate. It has always been a dream of mine to live the life of a swashbuckling corsair, beholden to none and master of all I survey. Once my crew of unabashed rogues is assembled, we shall take to the capacious expanse of the high seas to pursue fortune, fame and hair-raising adventure.
Our path may not be filled with porcine comforts and technological marvels that (insert company name) provides but we shall nonetheless move forward to carve a name for ourselves in the annals of bold insurgency and death-defying derring-do. Once I have a keen blade at my hip and the Jolly Roger is flapping high above me, I believe I will find my true calling.
Please note that I am currently accepting applications for First Officer, if you are at all interested in applying, I will provide a full medical and dental plan, which will offer immediate coverage of all maladies other than scurvy and the occasional bout of rickets.
Sincerely Yours,
BadAss Bastard
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No, my two readers, this isn't mine. I do not have this kind of gumption nor creativity.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
I'll See You When I get There.
Was planning to watch Wolverine but the intention went down by way of Twilight... after looking forward to seeing the damned movie for the past two months, I decided to wait for the DVD instead.
Should stop reading movie reviews and listening to Ben Lyon.
That is, until I accidentally caught that silly show on AXN titled 'The Duke' and caught the token lady host interviewing Daniel Henny. I forgot the name of the character he plays as the dialogue went above my head after seeing the guy smile.
Like, OMG.
And I will leave it at that. Too bad I saw the interview a bit late in the afternoon.
FU, so what if I am lazy?!
..............
Scene :
Mid afternoon, in an obscure restaurant in an unnamed country somewhere.
Him : Did you miss me?
Me : Of course.
Him : I moved out and took your advice. I bought a lot of frozen fish. Bream, Bass and Dory.
Me : Better than the spicy stuff you usually inhale.
Him : You can't just love someone by face.
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